I Can't
by GentleHero
Summary: How can you breathe knowing what pain is, what horrors await. To live without hope in an already dying world could tear these two apart, or it could just be what saves them...should they keep themselves together. Should he let her stay.


There were two weeks left of their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, two weeks left to drive each other mad before they were sent back to their families. Draco sat perched on the black leather couch in the common room just waiting for the wall to slide open and reveal his target. There had been so much to do in the past couple weeks that he hadn't seen her let alone gotten to goad her into an argument that would assuredly lead to other activities. As he waited other students from all years passed through the common room, each knew better than to stare at the Slytherin Prince. It was a well-known fact that he was waiting for Miss Charon, but all who knew that believed the two despised each other as siblings do. The wall slid open but behind it was not Aurora as he had hoped, only his lackeys Crabbe and Goyle.

"Where have you two been?" The blonde boy said from his place, relaxing back against the cushions to give off a less anxious vibe to those moving through the Slytherin house areas. The two new arrivals shrugged, and flopped down on the armchairs by the fireplace. Draco rolled his eyes at them seeing the crumbs on each face and robe. The two fools had been pigging out in the Great Hall, again. He prattled on about the latest potion's assignment knowing that neither was actually paying attention, they were far too simple minded. After half an hour of one-sided conversation, he dismissed them and they scampered off to their dorm room.

"Probably going to stuff their faces with whatever food they smuggled out of the Hall" Draco scowled. Why did his father insist that he mingle with such common drabble, it was insulting. Really. His grew eyes narrowed to a glare and focused again on the blank wall that served as entrance to the common room. 'Come on Charon, where are you?' he thought to himself, surely she would be out of classes soon.

He felt a shiver of anticipation roll over him; it had been too long since that little body had been at his mercy. _"Oh god, Draco" Aurora moaned between harsh kisses, Draco was grunting with each thrust pushing himself as far inside her as he could get. The friction between his long hard shaft and her nearly virgin tight hole was incredible; they moved together, bucking arching and panting as one. All the anger and annoyance from every argument the two had had from the years since their childhood could be felt within each thrust._ His mouth began to water slightly as he thought back to their last encounter. Blood began to race through his body, he felt himself twitch at the thoughts of her below him that face, those soft moans, lusty screams, her eyes glowing with passion, her form naked beside him. 'Oh Merlin' he thought, his body was worked up just at the thought of her.

"Why do you affect me so, Aurora" His eyes had closed while he reminisced so he had not noticed the wall give way and the object of his fantasies enter into the room. Nor did he know she had walked over and knelt right beside him.

"Affect you how, Malfoy?" She whispered into his ear, her breath hot against his skin. Once again, a shiver ran through his body as he opened his eyes and looked over to her face only centimeters from him. With a swallow, he did his best to control his breathing, which had grown heavier at her intrusion to his thoughts. He was painfully aware of the ache coming from his trousers.

"How do I affect you, Draco?" She asked again, placing her hand on the leather right by his leg. His growing erection twitched at her proximity. Trying to extinguish the gleam in her eyes, he glowered back at her.

"Back off, Slag" To his dismay her smirk widened as she stood, brushing invisible dust of the front of her uniform. She ran her hands slowly over her hips and down lingeringly over her short school-girl skirt. Draco's eyes were transfixed on her motions. He leaned forward slightly, ceasing her movement she laughed.

"You make it too easy, Malfoy" His gaze snapped to her face, her triumphant smirk making his glare harsher.

"Careful Charon I may have to hex that smirk off your ugly face" She laughed and shook her head at him

"You're out of practice, is that really the best come back you have. I've thought of better ones in my sleep. Besides you can't really call me ugly since I just caught you daydreaming about me." He growled at her rebuttal. The grin on her face was so wide she knew how close she was to winning this argument. That grin ignited his temper, despite his original goal to start the bickering she'd gone and done it for him. He could still get one thing he wanted out of the day.

"I was thinking about a different Aurora, Charon. A Pretty one, who isn't a poxy shag" He caught the quick flash in her eyes and knew he'd gotten her with that.

"What other Aurora are you talking about Malfoy, the first year Hufflepuff?" He stopped and the smirk he'd just gained slowly fell off his features.

"There's a first year Hufflepuff named Aurora?" The girl tossed her hair and nodded slowly, Draco sat back against the cushions aggravated.

"Really, Malfoy, don't you pay any attention!?" Aurora simpered bending forward slightly, so when Draco turned his head he got a perfect shot down her sweater vest. His jaw dropped as his body twitched in response to her sultry movement.

"Of course I do" he mumbled leaning forward himself.

"Uh uh uh" Aurora said, standing up straight "I meant do you pay attention to anything important" His hands tingled, dying to grab her and take her right there in the middle of the common room.

"Well if you weren't such a slapper, Charon, shagging any boy with a hard prick. Then I'd have no trouble keeping my eyes on important matters" Aurora's smirk faded slightly, her lips pursed in anger.

"Oh really, at least I don't run around with all sorts of strumpets. I have some self control, which is far more than I can say for the likes of you, Draco Malfoy" Her hands were on her hips, he quickly skimmed the view of her before him, willing himself to keep control at least for the moment.

"Well if you weren't such a munter…" She was fuming now, he could tell by the fire in her eyes. That excited him even further; he was very hard now, his cock throbbing against his boxers, aching for her.

"You're such a-a-a" Aurora stammered, her cheeks flushed "Gah!" Draco smirked in success and stood. Snidely grinning at her as the fronts of their bodies grew close, heat emanating from his groin which she could easily feel even before he pressed against her.

"Oh come now, Aurora," he whispered, bringing his lips dreadfully close to hers. "Surely you can think of something to say" he caught the little hitch in her breath and smiled delighted in the response, his own body still pulsing from her proximity.

"You're a git, Malfoy" She managed to stammer back "A complete and utter arse…" despite the affect his closeness had on her. Aurora's tone was biting, cold. Draco's body responded to it as if she'd been on fire, his erection twitched and grew slightly firmer, pushing his hips forward lightly enough to show her what she was doing.

"You like my arse, or have you forgotten" The girl's face was blushed a fire engine red, contrasting greatly with her platinum hair. She was fumbling for a response, her eyes wide with fury

"Tyke! Git! Prat! Just…. just go away Malfoy!" The girl shouted, drawing the eyes of several lowerclassmen. "Why must you always pick on me?" She screamed, doing her best to move from against him, he sidestepped and only caused her to rub closer against him. Much to his great pleasure and her chagrin. The younger students saw the oncoming shouting match and began to scramble from the room, in a haphazard state of panic.

He stepped closer still to her and snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her as tightly as he could against him, pressing his erection close to her warm body. His smirk was wide as she struggled in his grasp, her hips grinding into his erection making his body crave her all the more.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Miss Charon, you can't expect to get away that easily. Not from me" She just kept fighting against him, as if she was determined to get free. Draco believed she was only fighting so to maximize his pleasure, and she was doing a splendid job, each movement she made sent shivers through his body. He was losing all resolve not to toss her down and take her right there. Who cared if anyone saw, it was about time everyone knew.

"Get the bloody hell off me, Draco Malfoy!" If he'd been able to see her face he'd have known before that she'd begun to cry. It wasn't as if he'd never insulted her to tears before, but there was something in her tone, true anger, that made him stop moving. Made him release her and step back, lightly reaching for one of her balled up hands to hold.

"What's this then?" He asked, the smirk having been wiped off his face, she looked up and her cheeks were bright red, tears washing down them, her green eyes bloodshot. Upon close inspection, it seemed she hadn't slept much, and she did appear skinnier than before. "Aurora?"

"Leave me alone…" She was so quiet it was hard to hear. As gently as he could he guided her to the couch and sat her down.

"Aurora, what's wrong?" Despite the throbbing of his cock he couldn't just use her like that, they'd been friends to long. If what they were could be called friends, it wasn't clear to him any more than it was to any other.

"Go away." She muttered shaking her head and turning from him. "I don't want anyone seeing me like this" she managed to gasp out, as her body began to shake harder with tears. She had always fled from his sight before she'd fallen into sobs like this, she never wanted him to know how much he actually pained her.

"Why?" Draco was determined to understand what had brought this about.

"Please…" the last sentiment more a cry than a word; it was too difficult for her to speak now as she fell into utter despair. Draco had no idea what to do, he'd never been one to comfort crying females, he was the cause usually sure. It just wouldn't do to show compassion to anyone, yet somehow he couldn't move away from her.

"Shhhhhh Aurora….what's wrong?" cautiously he patted her back, trying to sooth the tears from her body. She kept crying though and he moved closer, positioning her so that her head was on his shoulder, his robe quickly becoming soaked with the girl's salty tears. She gave into the sadness she felt and cried, letting him hold her. She was so lost in her own tears that she had yet to notice it was Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Slytherin, the boy who never cared who was comforting her, and it was he that had caused so many of the tears she'd cried since her childhood.

They remained in that position for so long, no one passed through the common room, it was as if wards had been put up to keep anyone else from entering. The two were in their own world, Draco the column of protection keeping Aurora from disappearing into the terrors she kept facing. An hour passed and they didn't move, finally Aurora's sobs ceased and she sat breathing heavily against Draco.

"You okay now?" Draco asked softly, sending Aurora crashing back into reality. She sat up her eyes wide as she realized she had just spent an hour in Draco's arms crying her eyes out.

"Aurora?" He asked, brushing a strand of her hair from her cheek, his fingers lingering on her moistened skin. His touch sent tingles on her cheek, unknown to her he felt the spark as well, he always did. She regrettably waved his hand away and nodded, looking anywhere but at him.

"Yeah…" she muttered, mentally kicking herself for her stupidity. 'I should have ran…' she knew better, now he'd never let her live this down. Never.

"What was that?" Draco pressed, gently, trying to catch her gaze.

"It was…nothing, just nothing" she shook her head and harshly wiped the lingering tears from her face. Praying this was a dream, but knowing it was not.

"You are lying, Aurora. What's wrong?" He caught her chin in his hand and made her look at him. His grey eyes were compassionate, an emotion he'd never shown towards anyone before. She looked terrified of him, which he didn't find odd, he just wished she didn't feel that way about him.

"I-I…please don't Draco" she was defeated, weak and at his mercy. If he'd wanted anything from her at that moment he would have had it without any fight. He saw the submission in her eyes, saw the fear, and meekness. For once, he did not like it. He didn't want her to just give into him, he wanted her to fight, he wanted the same girl he'd known since they were children, he wanted the one who earlier that day had him panting with desire.

"Aurora, what is it?" She'd never seen this side of him before, no one had. It took a few seconds of silent staring for her to accept that it was still Draco Malfoy, it was the same boy she'd known all her life.

"You care?" She asked softly.

"Of course I do." He actually showed the worry in his eyes, worry for her well-being. "You haven't been sleeping have you?" She shook her head.

"No, I rarely can, and when I do I am seized by vicious nightmares…the most horrid things I've ever seen." Her breath caught again and new tears welled into her eyes.

"Why aren't you eating?" He asked, lightly caressing her shoulder, brushing her hair back unwilling to let go of her for any reason.

"I don't know…I don't eat, I can't sleep…I cry all the time, I don't understand what is wrong. But I am scared…" Tears trickled once again down her pale skin, the area around her eyes was so dark, and she looked deathly ill.

"Scared of what?" She swallowed and shook her head again.

"Everything." Confusion settled into her normally glorious green eyes.

"Are you scared of me?" She looked away from him then, standing up out of his reach and walking towards the lit fireplace.

"I don't want to be…" She muttered, just loud enough for him to hear. "But I am…" He stared at the empty space before him, where she had just been. He could still feel the softness of her skin beneath his hands; he studied his fingertips, which tingled. He had felt like this before, always to do with her, but he didn't understand it.

"I think I-" she had turned to him, she saw him sitting just as he had been. Not looking back at her and she stopped, hoping his grey eyes would seek out her face, praying he'd feel the need to look back to her. It was the silence that made him realize she was really no longer sitting with him, so he turned in search and found her pleading eyes watching him.

"What?" He asked. Unaware that she had tried to say something. She shut her mouth and thought for a moment, unsure how to pose what she wanted to say, how to make it less obvious what she intended to reveal to him.

"Do you remember when I asked you if you thought you were capable of love?" She asked, glazing over her true expression with a look of curiosity. Of course, he remembered, he'd been thinking of events before that question earlier after all. Slowly he nodded, slightly confused why she had mentioned it.

"Alright…do you think you can….love I mean…?" Suddenly she was nervous her whole body quivering in anticipation of rejection. He was bloody Draco Malfoy what would he ever want with her. She was a plaything to him, and she'd never be anything more. He just sat staring at her, his thoughts in a whirl. 'Does she know? No, no she couldn't I've never been anything but an arse to her, there is no way she'd want me…' It was the most intense staring contest either had ever been in, each trying to force the other to show what thoughts slipped through their minds. With a swallow it became clear Draco had no choice but to answer, he considered each word before he let it slide over his tongue.

"…yes, I do think I could…potentially…" the next word was the hardest for him to say, if it had been to anyone else, anyone but her it'd have been possible, easy even. He'd even have preferred to be face to face with Harry Potter right then. There was, however, no where left to run, no other options but to say what he'd done so well to hide. "…love someone…"

"I see." She muttered, her heart beating far too fast, her whole body felt as if it was on fire. Her lungs ached for air yet no matter how much she breathed, the longing wasn't quenched.

"Why?" Draco asked, his palms suddenly sweaty, his own breathing labored. 'By Merlin, how does she do this to me?'

"Because…I…" the words caught in her throat, she'd dreamed this moment so many times but she could not say it. 'Come on Aurora, it's three bloody words…what is so scary about three tiny innocent words?' Draco saw the hitch in her eyes, in her thoughts she'd forgotten to mask her eyes and he knew what she wanted to say.

"Aurora," He stood, weighing back and forth on his feet, nervous to approach her "I…I'm not a sentimental person" he said, rolling his eyes upwards at his cowardice.

"I know." She answered "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" She turned to leave the common area, to find solace and comfort in her four poster bed. Truth be told she would rather face the nightmares than the words she knew he would say.

"Wait" he said as she reached the threshold, just inches from safety. "Let me finish, please" It took every ounce of courage and strength the girl had to turn back to him, and even as she did so she kept her eyes shut tight. For she knew if she looked at him the tears that threatened to fall would not be stopped, and she'd break down again.

"Alright" she whispered, willing herself to be stronger than she was.

"I'm not a sentimental person, nor am I a good man." She nodded and bit her lip "you've known me since I was a cheeky little blighter and you still tolerated me every day…I don't know why, or how you've managed that. But you have…and I couldn't be more thankful of it…"Her eyes shot up at his words, she didn't understand, this was not what she had prepared herself to hear.

"I know I'm not perfect by any means. I can give you anything you'd want, but I cannot guarantee happiness, as much as I want to be what makes you happy" They were both shaking, but gradually he drew closer to her. "You confuse me, and control me. With just a look, I feel weak, with a touch I'm flying…Every time I have you I still want more. It's never enough, it never will be until I can have all of you and even then, you've intoxicated me. Your scent, your eyes, that smile, your perfect frame…everything about you is all I think about, dream about, it's all I've ever truly wanted" With one last step he was before her.

"Draco…" She breathed, "Am I dreaming?" This could not be real; he would never want her, or at least that is what she'd led herself to believe. Nevertheless, he did want her.

"No, unless I am too…Aurora before I snap back into the bastard I usually am I need you to know…" He could no longer breathe, he'd come so far but this was the real moment of truth. Even the great Draco Malfoy feared rejection.

"Need me to know?" She responded, offering her hand to him, both for support and for the pleasurable warmth of their connection.

"I love you" Her eyes closed tight as he said it and she shook her head ever so slightly, unbelieving.

"What?" He held tighter to her hand, while his other lifted her chin to him bringing their lips so close to touching, and again he whispered.

"I love you" then his lips were on hers and the room spun. It was as if they had never kissed before, a passion that had always lingered behind the lust was now the main sensation. He wrapped her in his arms and held as tight as he could, the shape of her body molded to his perfectly, their lips saying what word's could not. When regrettably air was needed, he pulled away and looked down at her still closed eyes and serene features.

"You love me…," she whispered as her eyes slowly opened, Draco felt as if he would fall down dead right there at the look he saw in those eyes that haunted his every moment. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. The most beautiful, and terrifying look in the world, was even more incredible shining from those bottomless emerald gems. It was a look he could never have dreamed to receive from anyone, let alone her, it was the purest thing he'd ever seen.

"Yes" He said stupidly, there was nothing else he could say.

"You love me…" she stated again, her eyes flashing at the four letter word. "Love…"

"Yes, Aurora" he was shaking again, his feet wanting to run but he couldn't. He was frozen with fear.

"You're shivering," She whispered sliding her hands over his skin.

"Yeah…I am" he responded, needlessly. Anything that had to be said could wait, all that mattered then was she hadn't fled from him, that she was still there before him. Her hand was so warm against his body.

"Draco," One of her hands gently cupped his face, her skin so comforting, his grey eyes looking at her. "I Love you, too" and then she kissed him, a reply to the kiss he'd given her moments before. Pure passion, her arms slid around his neck and his around her waist, holding her close to him. "I love you" she whispered again against his lips, and he coveted the sound of her words, the sensations sweeping through him.

When the kiss ended, a thought occurred to the boy, one he did not want to remember. Still there it was and all he could do now was send the girl of his dreams away. As far away from him as he could, so she would never be caught, and never be harmed. For the slightest moment, he stayed his forehead against hers, completely still. Listening to the sounds of her gentle breath, feeling her body small and warm against his, remembering every fight, ever encounter, none comparing to this. To knowing she loved him, she wanted him, she- 'no' he thought 'I can't do this to her, I wont.' And with that he pushed her out of his arms, hard. Sending her back onto the couch, a stunned expression on her face.

"Draco?" She whispered, her eyes wild with worry, heart beginning to race. The look on the boy's features was ice, pure ice. His eyes glazed over with hatred, a type she'd never seen him give to anyone before. "Draco, my love?" Inwardly her words pained him, he was doing this for her, he had no choice but to do it, as much as it would hurt him, and even more as it would hurt her. Despite that his eyes flashed at her words, sending frigid shivers throughout her body, which she could not control.

"Shut up, Bitch" her growled, taking menacing steps towards her. She had nowhere to run, though alarms rang in her ears at his sudden change.

"Draco, what is it?" She persisted, knowing somehow that the man before her was hiding behind this image. Despite knowing this was some protective measure and therefore not the real him she was still afraid. Very much afraid that he would hurt her, for he could, he had and he would.

"You're just a worthless little slag, Charon. You'll never mean anything to anyone, lowly good for nothing piece of shite that no man will ever truly care about" her face was so heart wrenching Draco felt his breath hitch at the sight. He'd known she'd cried over him before but watching her heart break into tiny irreplaceable pieces practically killed him. It took every ounce of restraint he had within him to stop going to her, to turn his back on her and begin to walk away. She watched him go, tears running down her cheeks. The image of glass broken into the unfixable portions as she sat unable to restrain herself reaching after him.

"Draco, please…" Her voice was as soft as the whispers of the trees outside in a gentle breeze. Her words reached his ear and he shivered grimacing, his own heart torn to shreds at his personal betrayal. He stopped for a second and glanced almost all the way over he shoulder gathering his strength for the final steps out of the room.

"No" She sobbed, falling prey to her own emotions, lost in the pain of his thoughtlessness. "No." He had reached the door, but hearing her so he knew he couldn't step any further.

'Oh god, what have I done' he thought, uncaring now what the future held, he wanted her. She wanted him. Why should he leave her just because of what he was? If she loved him she would accept it, she would help him however she could. He turned back to her and saw what he had prayed he'd never have to see. If he had been as cold hearted as he pretended he would have enjoyed her torment and turmoil and yet, it pained him as if a knife was twisting in his own heart, his blood flowing as her tears did.

"Aurora" He barely let the name fall from his lips, torn between wanting to stop it and wanting to leave her so she only had to suffer once. "Aurora" the second was a groan, agonizing and sure. He stepped back to her, her eyes lifting at the audible mention of her name.

"What" She spat, angry that he had done this forcing herself to stand, trembling, from the comfort of the couch. "What could you possibly want now, Malfoy?" He heard the anger and knew he deserved every insult he would receive, he had tried to break her heart, wanted to leave her for his own selfish reasons and now here he stood after half succeeding. His heart and hands trembling, soul torn tattered ragged, wanting her safe even if it meant he couldn't have her. But he knew he lacked the strength to leave, to be without her.

"Just leave, Malfoy, go. It's obviously what you want" She shouted, he looked at her face. Her eyes a picture of her broken heart, the passage to what destruction he brought.

"I can't" He whimpered back, "I just can't" he fell to his knees before her, head cradled in his hands. He hadn't cried since he was a little boy but there were tears falling from his eyes. Aurora saw the same torture she had felt within him.

"You can't just push me away and then decide you cant go through with it…" She said lowering her voice, stepping closer to him.

"I know….I know…" He responded

"No more trying to push me away, if you want to be together then we will be but if you make me think you don't want me, Draco, I won't give you any more chances." He nodded and felt her soft hand cup his chin, he looked up to her.

"If I hurt you any more I won't want another chance" Her eyes closed as his words reached her. She sighed and shook her head, stepping away from him again. Air blew onto where her warm hand had been and he felt empty. He watched her walk past him, stood and stared after her as she reached the passageway to the girls dormitories.

"One more chance, Draco Malfoy, that's all you get" she spoke so softly it seemed as if the words were part of the air and not from her at all, and then she was gone and he sat there stunned for so many minutes. He knew he was lucky, he didn't deserve the chance to have her, he didn't deserve her. But how could he survive knowing what was coming, that in a few weeks time the war would be so intense and she would be in danger. Danger the likes of which no one had ever seen.


End file.
